his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Randomize
