Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize