I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
