just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
