dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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