i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Randomize
