the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize