Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize