I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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