Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
