maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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