I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Randomize