he told me I talked like a deaf person
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
