How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
