You made me cry and you don't even care
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize