new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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