i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
