his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
