Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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