Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize