the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
