I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
