On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
