I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
