Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
