i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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