he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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