I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
