The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
