Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
