The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
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