instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize