Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
