I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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