I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
