There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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