For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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