He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
