I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize