So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
