North Korea, Best Korea!
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
