Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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