This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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