last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Randomize
