You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
