I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
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