I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
