That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
