Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
