Can Purell be used as lube?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
