you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I did not marry a roomba.
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