you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Dick very happy bro
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
