i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize