If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Randomize
