If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
