it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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