i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
