so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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