Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
