My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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