you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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