how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
