So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize