I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
