wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
