it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
