Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
