I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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