When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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