A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
