Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
