Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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