Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
