he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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