I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'm at about main and main street
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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