life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
