where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
