It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
