Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
