that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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