the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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