We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize