this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
