i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
