and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize