I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
