if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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