I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
