I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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