This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
