You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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