Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
