there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
