Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
