yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
