I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
