Kareoke will never be a sober sport
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
