He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
