Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
