Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i would punch a child for taco bell
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
