Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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