Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
