Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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