I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
