I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
